Hard and Sweet Goodbyes

I’m going to be totally honest, writing this blog seems so incredibly daunting. 

I am currently on hour 14 out of a 16 hour long layover in New Jersey before my squad and I head on to Eswatini. I am sleep deprived, a lil smelly, and no where near fully processing that I have officially left the country of Guatemala and beginning the last and final chapter of this crazy Gap Year journey. 

Guatemala was a country that I would have never wanted to visit. I could have lived my entire life never even thinking twice about that lil country and would have considered it totally fine. I was so angry when I learned that our route had been changed and we were flying to Guatemala instead of Columbia or Thailand like I had originally planned. In my mind, we were visiting some country that was already visited by so many missionaries all the time. I didn’t want some reused and recycled country. I wanted to be original, to show up guns blazing in a country never explored before. And Guatemala was the exact opposite of those plans. (I know, my thought process was messed up, but yay for growth.) 

Thank God that He can see in such a bigger and wider perspective than my own tiny tunnel vision. Thank God that He knows exactly what I need before I even know it myself, that He can see the inner workings and knows what is best for my heart even if it goes against my own wants and desires. 

Guatemala was a breath of fresh air. Breathing in and feeling fulfilled and content with the air I was given. From the first step onto the base I was surrounded by the Peace of the Lord. There was a familiarity at every turn that quickly created a sense of home. There is usually a transition period of hesitancy, bumping into corners because you don’t know how the room is set up or awkwardness in forgetting where the bathroom is. Surprisingly enough, there was none of that in Guatemala. Life fell right into place as if it was meant to be all along. Somehow this place I never wanted to be in felt more like home than any tent in Gainesville or bed in Jaco. It was the most comfortable I had felt since being at home in Alabama. 

I don’t want to create a picture of perfection though. It was hard. There were multiple times I left house visits feeling frustrated and asking the Lord how in the world we were helping at all. Struggling to not carry the burdens we listened to on my own shoulders. Days where we would have a class of screaming kiddos who didn’t learn a single lick of English, feeling doubts in my ability to teach. Burn out was real and a brick wall I would sprint into more often than not. 

But along with that came a further reliance on the Lord’s abilities instead of my own. Yes, the struggles we saw everyday were so real and so heavy- but He was so much stronger. I learned how important it was to work out of an overflow of His love and not my own, meaning that even if the kids learned no new words they could at the very least leave with a better sense of God’s love. I felt the Lord’s comfort, heard His words of wisdom in ways I have never experienced. His presence was oh so real and present in every moment of every day. 

Leaving Guatemala is so incredibly hard, but I have confidence in knowing that the work does not end with my boarding of a flight, but that Gods hand will continue to move over this beautiful country in amazing ways. I will leave a piece of my heart in Guatemala. I will dream of the cobblestone streets, reminisce on the sweet giggles of the children I had the privilege to cross paths with, and pray that my mom can recreate the home made corn tortillas I became obsessed with. 

My head will be filled with the names of the people I got to build a community with here, I will continue to learn from the testimonies and stories I listened to, and will forever look back on Guatemala as one of the sweetest seasons of this Race.

Thank you, Guatemala. You’ve been oh so good to me. This is definitely not the last time you’ll hear from me. 🙂

All the love, 

Delaney Sue